Growing up, I always had a big heart. I hated to see others hurting or crying. So, I naturally became the shoulder for people to cry on and the ear to listen when they had to vent. I always had a joke to make them smile through the tears and break the awkwardness when I didn’t have word of advice. I carried this trait in to my adulthood. I’m 21 years old now and, going through my own traumas, I began to think that I had no one to lay my burdens on. I felt like I had to carry my own weight on my own shoulders all of the time. I know everyone else’s troubles and therefore felt uncomfortable requesting comfort from people who had their own issues.
I was wrong. I had to understand that I am not alone. I had to figure out healthy ways to cope with my issues and I’d like to share some of them with you all. I know there are plenty of people who feel like they have to be strong for everyone around them, but how can you truly help someone else if you aren’t healed yourself. Here are some tips for The Strong One who no longer feels strong.
Take your time
Life does go on. No matter if you’re sad or happy, days pass by. Because of this, it may seem like you don’t have time to deal with your issues. Let me be the first to let you know - If your head and heart aren’t in whatever you’re doing, it won’t get done efficiently, or you’ll burn yourself out. Take time to get your mental health in order because that comes before anything; call out of work, email your professors, do whatever you have to do to assure you get the healing you need.
You’re not alone
When you know the issues of everyone around you, it’s easy to feel like bringing those people into your problems would be a burden - but you can’t think like that. Those same people that you’re there for may want to be there for you too. It is important to have people in your life that you can mutually depend on in times of strife. Don’t assume that they can’t handle it because they definitely don’t assume that you can’t handle their problems. If you just assume that someone doesn’t want to be there for you, you push them away unintentionally. Allow people to comfort you. You are not alone.
Weak moments don’t make you weak
This is definitely something I had to learn. Being the strong friend, I always feel defeated whenever I showed a sign of “weakness.” However, a part of being strong is being vulnerable and in touch with your feelings. Imagine how strong you have to be to admit when you’re feeling sad, or even depressed. You can’t overcome a problem if you don’t acknowledge it. You can’t truly acknowledge a problem if you don’t take the time to feel the emotions. Cry if you want to. You are not weak!
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