Please send me a pops before puberty/
The things I wouldn’t do to see a piece of family unity/..It’s a wonder they don’t understand kids today/ So when I pray, I pray I’ll never grow to be that way-2Pac, “Papa’z Song”
In late 2017, New Jersey artist TwonDon released two singles, penning stories of tumultuous relationships with past and current women - “For My Ex.” and “Gone ‘Til November.” On “Gone Til’ November,” featuring Karrisa Monae, he dabbles with the decision of pursuing the woman to whom the song is written in memory of or moving on from her. On Twon’s only verse, he closes by saying “Gotta make up for the trials and the errors of a single parent/ And I know you damaged/ Gotta leave those scars where they are, could never take advantage,” as he raps to the young woman.
Twon has made mention of his single-parent upbringing before on songs like “Glory” from his debut project Stay Golden, rapping “The mechanics of a single parent left part of me damaged/ ‘Til I vanish, I’ll be my Momma’s keeper/ My Mona Lisa.”
These two verses are similar in the way Twon protects and cherishes two women he values because of the neglect of his father. In his verse on “Gone ‘Til November,” Twon promises to be a contrasting image of his father whom left him at a young age and instead opts to not prey on the woman’s vulnerability due to her upbringing as a child, which has left her with her own emotional scars like Twon. In the second verse, on “Glory,” Twon vows to honor his mother, staking claim as his “mother’s keeper” in the way siblings protect each other as their “brother’s/sister’s keeper” due to his father not being there for his family, leaving his mother to provide for herself and Twon as well.
These songs and verses serve as a precursor to his most recent offering, the 5-track EP Been Dead. “Dead” can be interpreted to mean many things, but what it most likely represents for Twon is the lack of an emotional presence at times to form loving relationships in his own life with women due to the paranoia caused by a fatherless childhood, and these feelings being present through his life and musical discography as displayed with the previous songs and here on his most recent project.
Artwork by Liam Eisenberg
The EP begins with a 1989 Larry King interview of Frank Zappa - an American musician, composer, activist, and filmmaker. During the interview, King asks Zappa for his take on the United States Congress’ regulation on explicit sound recordings and restricting access to them from minors. The Parental Advisory label that can be seen on copies of musical recordings today, especially hip hop records, was introduced in 1985 by the RIAA.
In the full length version of the interview, Zappa replies that it is rather “unfortunate” that “people are making such a big deal about lyrics on records.” Twon’s Been Dead EP opens with the quote “If lyrics on records could produce the kinds of negative results that certain people claim they produce, then take this example: most of the records which are broadcasted on the radio are songs about love. Ninety-nine percent is about love. And all we hear on the radio is love. So if the lyrics were impressing our society what would we have here: Disneyland. But we don’t.” For some, this idea of that “Disneyland,” filled with love and compassion for and from others, is a near reality. For Twon, this quote is foreshadowing for when he explains why Zappa’s words, describing a world where such is not the case, are a reality for him throughout Been Dead.
Twon himself opens the project with the line “America made me a bastard/ Only for their laughter” on “For Mama and Papa.” With the sounds of a church organ playing in the background, Twon raps about how his fatherless childhood led him to corrupt pastors that were only in the business of faith for the pursuit of money. On the hook, he then raps “My mama told me ‘make something to step to,’ my mama told me ‘make something to step to’/ My father told me ‘sorry that I left you,’ my father told me ‘sorry that I left you.'”
On the second verse of “For Mama and Papa,” Twon raps “We need fathers/ Fuck rappers, we need doctors.” Though a contradiction coming from a rapper, which he acknowledges in the verse, Twon calls on fathers to step up and provide for their sons with his “species in danger,” he says.
Twon then raps “America made me a target,” acknowledging his awareness that he and so many other Black men are made targets of racism, police brutality, the criminal justice system, and other institutions put in place in this country. The lack thereof a father figure in a child’s life makes these obstacles all the more difficult to overcome. With the number of rappers, entertainers, athletes seemingly on the rise, Twon calls for a rise in the number of positively impactful fathers in their children’s lives - something he feels neglected for not having.
I like Now I'm Numb + 360. Dope EP man https://t.co/xIqA42gcKA
— brandon / jinx (@Jersey_Jinx) May 16, 2018
The cornerstone of the 5-track EP is “Now I’m Numb,” which is similar to “Gone ‘Til November” in terms of the stream-of-consciousness rapping to come to a decision on whether or not to continue to pursue a romantic relationship with a mentioned woman. However, unlike on “Gone ‘Til November” where Twon offers to be the woman’s saving grace, he raps here “You was my remedy, and honestly you still is/ Becoming numb to it, go through it, forget what pain is.” The roles are now reversed, as Twon opens up the scars of his childhood after vowing to protect the one’s of a woman in “Gone ‘Til November.”
I be tripping but only ’cause pieces missing/ You see, my pops left me so that distance kept me distant/ Niggas told me they loved, turned their back in a minute/ Mama went through her pain, heart slained and diminished…Can’t let my demons be the reason that I ruin this/ This be my truest shit, I deal with paranoia
The damage left behind by Twon’s father from Stay Golden and beyond was no bruise to a child’s innocence, but a fracture causing a paranoia surrounding a key piece in humans’ nature - love; as shown with “Glory,” then later on “To My Ex.” and “Gone ‘Til November,” and now in the lyrics of “Now I’m Numb.” In Twon’s relationships, there’s a constant fear of betrayal he expresses due to being introduced to deception from a figure whom was supposed to be nurturing - his father. Therefore, since his father left, there’s a feeling of “who’s next?” in the music, from women to friends.
Been Dead comes full circle on the last track, “Tears of a Don.” After making mention to his father on previous projects and singles, and throughout this project, “Tears of a Don” serves as an open letter describing the effects of a lost fatherhood on his own childhood, as Twon raps with emotion over the somber strings being played in the background.
Twon raps of the financial impact being raised in a single-parent home had on him, seeing eviction notices on his door and hoping his mother would not see them. He continues down a laundry list of situations, beginning each bar with “I remember,” that left him with his own demons - similar to the ones he makes mention of on “Now I’m Numb.”
Been Dead is TwonDon’s best project to date because of the transparency he offers between him and his fanbase, making full acknowledgement of the scars he’s suffered from as a youth. Instead of choosing to avoid and make light of them, he bares all for the 14-minute duration of the project. While short in length, the project offers depth its subject matter. Been Dead is not only Twon’s open letter, but a memoir to aid many who are dealing with the same circumstances and aiming to be better than them.
Listen to Been Dead here on all major streaming platforms
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