When the Girl Talk team was picking topics about what to write about relationships came up. I chose being single because for starters, I’m the only person on the team who does not have a boyfriend, so I figured that it would be easy; but it wasn’t. So, I procrastinated for about a week, until I was finally able to not only reflect, but also come to terms with how things not only were, but what they are as of now. Most importantly, I was able to reflect upon my growth and in reality what I learned from being single. So, ill start of by saying this:
Being single is probably the most important relationship that you will ever have in your life.
Most importantly, realize that the value that you place on yourself when you’re single will end up speaking volumes when you end up in a relationship in the future.
Let me break this down even further.
You were born in it and you will die in it, how you spend it is up to you. It is both the most rewarding and most challenging relationship you will ever experience. It has the potential to make you feel blissfully connected or desperately alone. In my case, a phone call that ended in “I don’t think I can do this with you anymore”, shaped me. Helping me understand that love is more than being a Woman Crush Wednesday or a 10 second Snapchat with the caption, “And she rides till the wheels fall off ”.
If you are single, the time you have right now is an absolute gift. Not everyone gets it. Use it wisely. Don’t underestimate the power this window will have on the rest of your life. After that phone call, three days later, I was on a plane to Hawaii looking out of the window finally understanding the blessing that God gave to me. The blessing being that I was finally free from a man who was abusing me, emotionally. Most importantly, the gift of being able to grow on my own terms without somebody questioning my dreams and stifling my happiness. In the course of three years, I was able to put stamps in my passport, meet lifelong friends and create a career path that financially secured me; while he allowed himself to be stuck in the same position that he was in when I met him three years ago.
The point that I am making is this; do not just love yourself, but also understand the validity of your worth.
The person you will attract when you truly love yourself will be completely different from the one you’ll attract if you don’t.
If you don’t love yourself first, saying “I love you” to someone else is the equivalent of saying “I need you to feel loved and I need you to love me back”. Every human needs love and if your love is tied up in someone else being around then you absolutely run the risk of losing it, even if the relationship lasts until the day they die. Morbid thought, but actually a pretty practical one too.
If your love comes from yourself first, then you will never be left alone - you will never find yourself out of love. You will never feel completely broken, for your wholeness comes from within, not from needing someone else to feel it.
This doesn’t mean life and relationships won’t hurt you (they’re how we grow, that bit is kinda unavoidable) but it does mean that you won’t break into a million pieces with no idea how to put them back together if you love yourself first.
So many of us spend our single years longing for sometime in the future, spending it focused on finding that person who will complete us. What we don’t understand, and what I was able to figure out after trial and error was that I needed to complete me first, before completing anybody else. And the bonkers thing is that after a while of being in a relationship (once the honeymoon period is done and dusted) many can’t shake that feeling of something being ‘missing’. Not quite able to put our finger on it, and so (because relationships are mirrors) we turn our finger and point it at the person in front of us (damn you mirror). But really, that something ‘missing’ is just a reflection of what we are not giving ourselves. My point being that our relationships are merely mirrors, so if you want someone to adore you, you must first adore yourself. If you want someone to support you, you must first support yourself. If you want someone to give to you, you must first give to yourself.
So, as I did myself when I embarked on this journey three years ago, I invite you to find a way to see this time you have right now as a gift. A gift of time to fall in love with yourself (or if that sounds too sappy how about “learn to love yourself”). To give yourself everything you long someone else to give you.
Thus, my wish for you is simple and bountiful. I wish you great love, adoration, compliments, support, joy, passion, compassion, adventure, excitement, gifts, embraces, comfortable nothingness and to be spoiled beyond your wildest dreams.
Mostly, I wish for you the self-love and compassion to give all those things to yourself first, before giving those privileges to someone else.
You might also like
More from Girl Talk
Girl Talk: Braids
With this summer (yes it's still summer) bringing temperatures over one hundred degrees, it is hard to keep a natural …
Girl Talk: Relaxed Hair
One of the biggest questions that I get asked constantly is about my hair. No, it's not natural and neither …
Girl Talk: Weaves
Weaves. Some females can't live with them while some can't live without them. I would say a weave is something …
