Crucial Questions to Ask Yourself Before You Get Cuffed
Eight questions to ask before you make it official
It’s tempting to jump into relationships when we meet someone we believe is wonderful. But if it takes a few months to begin gauging someone’s character, and two to three years to truly know them, we are setting ourselves up for disaster if we commit too soon. Thus, here are eight essential questions that I have asked myself from past experiences, to help guide you in your ultimate conquest for sorting out those applications and multiple interviews during cuffing season.
1. How well do I know him or her?
Don’t trust someone until you know them. “But he knows my cousin.” It doesn’t matter. Anyone can wear masks. The best way to know someone is this: 1) Spend time with them while they’re with their family or friends (not frequently). 2) Listen to the words they say to you. 3) Observe them in a variety of circumstances. People treat people differently depending on the relationship. I almost dated someone who I saw treat his child`s mother like shit, and that led me to believe that since he treats her that way, that I might not be too far behind.
2. Can I trust them with my secrets?
If they share your private conversations with others or even people on social media to garner an opinion, walk away or have a serious discussion about that issue. If you don’t take care of it now, you’ll only resent them later.
3. Am I comfortable around them?
Let me say this: There is a difference between a comfortable silence, and then a silence because you might get your ass beat. Understand the difference between the two.
4. Do I know how this person will change me?
“We become like the community we’re a part of” and “We are a product of our environment” are popular quotes for a reason. Be selective with who you surround yourself with and who you allow to influence you. Any man or woman should elevate you to your highest potential. If you catch yourself breaking away from who you are as a whole, then leave. Remember too, that you will marry a person you date. So ask this question early.
5. Am I attracted to their heart and character?
It’s easy to be attracted to someone who makes the dog filter look good, but what do they do during their free time? What are their values and beliefs? To be honest, are they even genuinely kind? Not just to you, but to others. If they can’t even tell you what motivates them to get out of bed in the morning, then you should run. Far away.
6. Does he/she appreciate me for who I am right now?
If they’re trying to change you, they are not ready for you. There is no way around that. The greatest people I’ve ever dealt with loved me for just who I was. The only time they called me out is when they knew I was knowingly or unknowingly about to hurt myself or others, and they were protecting me. I had an ex-call me a bitch, but it was because verbally I was acting like a bitch and he called me on it. He worked with me on communicating my frustrations better. I have a friend whose boyfriend at the time told her that if she lost 20 pounds, he would take her to the Watch the Throne Tour. They aren’t together anymore. If anything, a partner will challenge you, which is a very good thing. But that is very different than someone trying to change you. Beware not to confuse these two.
7. Does he/she understand my desires and needs?
Everybody has needs. But if they don’t understand that for example, you desire consistency and need intimacy, then they still have some growing up to do. I dated someone whom on multiple occasions I communicated what I needed out of him as a partner and he just couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that desires and needs are a part of a relationship. Thus, do not put yourself in a situation where those two things aren’t being met.
8. Are their hopes and dreams for the future compatible with yours?
Do they want a partnership where both are working in the corporate world or a traditional role where one partner stays home? Do they know if they want to live in the city, the countryside, or the suburbs? Do they want to travel now and start a family later? It`s not the end of the world if the person of your dreams wants something now, and you just aren’t quite ready yet. It’s important though to remind ourselves that while our desires and interests change as we grow older, it’s still important to discuss these issues now.