Does The Friend Zone Exist? A Debate

BDJ & Darriqueen discuss the existence of relationship purgatory

The friend zone is a constant in life like death and taxes. For as long as men and women have roamed this Earth there have been relationships where one person seeks more from the other romantically than they’re willing to give.

For those of you that may be living under a rock, the friend zone is a space that people get put into when their person of interest informs them in some way, intentionally or unintentionally, that they are not interested in them in any way other than platonically.

The Case Against (Presented by Darriona White)

The friend zone is a made up concept that Lord knows who came up with. I feel that the friend zone can be something that is neither good nor bad, but to most it is bad. I do not see it as bad, but I do see it as an excuse.

Usually, when people find themselves placed in the “friend zone” they feel betrayed, dumbfounded, and they may feel as though their time has been wasted. They put in all this work to be the greatest friend possible only to continue being a friend in the long run. How dare they! I believe that people are not as interested in getting to know the person as they let on because really they just want them for their romantic ambitions. They thought becoming their friend first would lead them in the direction of romance, but that is not always the case. Being a good friend to someone is not always going to give you a reward romantically.

I know this may be hard to understand, but hear me out. The friend zone is not real because you probably weren’t ever trying to be their friend in the first place. Friendship is a very important component to a good standing romantic relationship. Without the friendship, there really is not that much of a relationship at all. Sadly, people are not as interested in getting to know the person as they let on because they just want their “friend” for their romantic ambitions. They thought becoming their friend first would lead them in the direction of romance, but that is not always going to be the case. Being a good friend to someone is not always going to lead to more. You cannot force someone to like you just because you were a good friend.

This friend zone is a form of entitlement. People that complain about the friend zone expected to get what they wanted because they were doing the things that a friend should do. Emphasis on “should”. Just because you choose to do nice things for someone does not mean that you are going to receive a reward for it. It doesn’t mean you deserve anything for it. No one owes you anything.

At the end of the day, people know if they like and if they don’t. You’re not in the friend zone, your friend just doesn’t like you. Understand that, accept that, and move on. Choose to stay their friend or don’t. It happens to almost everyone.

The Case For (Presented by BDJ)

The friend zone is a very real thing. There are people that you will meet in life that you will immediately have an attraction to. When you get to know them and realize that they’re dope both inside and out unrequited feelings will hurt you. When you want to poke their guts but they’re not rocking you’ll be hurt. When you want to marry them and start a family but they aren’t bout it you’ll be hurt. It’s levels. When you’re friends with somebody that you feel you can give the world to and it’s nothing you can do to show them that it’s natural to feel a way about the situation. 

There’s a negative perception about the friend zone but that’s not always accurate. The true problem comes in when people don’t respect their roles. Everybody can’t be LeBron, Mario Chalmers has a ring too. It ain’t meant for everybody to fall in love and live happily ever after with everybody they have heart eyes for. Sometimes you pursue someone based off of attraction and end up realizing that you two just aren’t a good fit. Sometimes you rock with someone heavy, but for some reason, things don’t line up for you two to be together. Just because two people aren’t dating doesn’t mean that something positive can’t result from them knowing each other. You just have to know when to respect the curve and act accordingly.

Another underrated aspect of the friend zone is that it’s not always forever. I know some people that only build relationships after being friends first. If you’re a decent enough human being eventually you’ll end up making it out of the friend zone. Now if you fuck up your friendship forever after chasing something more that’s on you. It’s the ultimate risk, but if you end up with something special nobody can fault you.

The friendzone exist because there will always be unrequited love. There will always be people that like you more than you like them. There will always be people who you have feelings for that don’t feel that in return. It’s life. Handling those situations without burning bridges is a valuable lesson that comes with time. Know your role and play it accordingly. 

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