So… you’re ugly. You’re the friend that people come up to on how to get closer to your other, actually attractive friend. You look in the mirror and you just simply know that you’re not that good looking. Well, guess what? You’re not alone, it’s not a big deal, and honestly, no one cares!
Let me make a few things clear: this is not a self-deprecating article. This is not an article written by someone who is extremely insecure and is fishing compliments (if you do that, that’s alright with me, but that is not what this is). This is also not an uplifting article; if you feel that you’re ugly and you are emotionally defeated by that, I’m sorry but there’s not much I can do for you. This is not a cheesy “Oh don’t worry! It’s what’s on the inside that counts! Don’t listen to what the haters say!” article. Do whatever you please with the knowledge that you are unattractive. This article is simply meant to shed light on ugliness as a whole in this day and age. Some of the things said may not even reflect my own personal beliefs.
I would like to start off by clarifying that ugly does exist. The narrative of promoting universal beauty and saying that everyone is beautiful is just false. Society has long held strict standards of beauty, and while yes, beauty remains subjective in the sense that some cultures measure beauty differently, it exists. Everywhere in the world, there is a line between ugly and beautiful. Dwarf people are not beautiful. People with diseases like Progeria are not beautiful. Morbidly obese people are not beautiful. The list goes on. This is not to say that I dislike these people, that I judge these people, that these people are awful people with worse personalities, that these people can control any of those things, or that I even care what these people look like, This is simply to say that no matter how great these people may be and how amazing they may be in terms of personality and demeanor, society cannot deem them beautiful. It would go against the norms, values, and beliefs that have become ingrained in our society. I think in discussions of being ugly, this is where people often get confused; to talk about someone being ugly does not need to be a moment of pity or moments of bullying, because raising awareness helps us realize that it is society’s fault and not any one person’s. I understand that what is beauty for some is ugly for others and vice versa (for example, the heavily embedded racism in our history has long denied the beauty in black peoples’ melanin, that which is always poppin’) and that standards are not concrete (there has been much done in recent years to shift the concept of the perfect body type and more of an embrace in curves instead of the dangerously skinny, unnervingly tall look), but no matter how far we progress and no matter how diverse the idea of beauty may be, there will always be some form of common ground rooted in ugliness. Ugly is a baseline for all things beautiful; without ugliness, beauty could not exist. I hope that for anyone who recognizes that they are ugly, they understand that their label was decided before they could even conceptualize what ugly meant, sorry to say, so just roll with it, understand your place, and see if you can shift society’s abusive and impossible way of thinking.
If you’re ugly and you want to be in a relationship, realistically, it isn’t much different for someone who’s attractive and wants to be in a relationship. Now, don’t get caught up in the hype that people say to rationalize being ugly that when you’re in relationship, you know it’ll be real because people won’t be with you for your looks. Excuse me, what? Is that supposed to make any human being feel better? Does that even make sense? We all know it’s scammers out here that will try to get you for anything, let’s be real. Also, don’t think that because you’re in a relationship— especially in the case where your partner is more attractive than you— that you somehow erased the idea that you’re ugly… nope. You’re still ugly, it’s just now people look at you with a mix of admiration, respect, and confusion that you pulled a relationship off. Kudos! Now, when I say it isn’t much different than an attractive person looking for a relationship, I don’t mean in the accessibility and number of potential suitors one has. The more attractive person (which, again, may differ depending on the crowd you run with) will attract more people than an ugly person. That much is basic. What I mean is that the process is the same. No one, no matter if they are ugly or drop dead gorgeous, is looking for a shallow partner. No one should be limiting themselves to seeking out other ugly people just because they’re afraid no one will find them attractive, because while society represents the masses, it does not control the individual, and I believe you can make any person think you’re attractive if you carry yourself correctly (one of my girlfriends was definitely out of my league and for some odd reason she thought it was the other way around. Yes, it confused me, and yes she was crazy to think that, but something worked, so it was one of those don’t ask, don’t tell situations.). Go after who you want if you’re courageous enough to make that move (asking someone out is another article for another time). This is going to be oversimplifying it, but everyone on the face of this earth who is ever looking for a relationship is always looking for the same thing: a cool person. That’s it. People have different reasons to be deemed cool and being attractive might be a plus, but we all have to put the same work in. We all have to overthink when we have a crush, we all have to be nervous when we talk to them or get talked to, we all have to make a move and put ourselves out there. Being ugly does not change that when you find someone special, so it should never change your outlook or willingness to participate in this crazy game called love. Many factors can go into people not looking for love, but being ugly is not one of them, and anyone who says so is using that as an excuse to mask something else.
If it sounds like I am bashing ugly people, I am truly sorry. If you read this article and you just have built up anger and resentment at whoever this Devin Butler kid is, I understand and I hope we can move forward and make things better between us one day. If it sounds like I’m writing this article while sitting high up on a proverbial pedestal with a silver spoon in my mouth, I want you to know that this is firmly not the case. I don’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings or launch personal affronts at people through this article. I simply wanted to discuss ugliness as it is perceived in our society. I understand that for people with low self-esteem, people who have been bullied, body shamed, and generally feel worse about themselves because of this uncontrollable feature of their lives that sadly dominates a lot of how our world operates that is our physical appearance, that this is a sensitive subject. I understand that being ugly is a real issue that people need to deal with, and this article was not meant to trivialize that or make people with the issue seem ludicrous. Being ugly sucks. It sucks because you didn’t decide to be ugly, you didn’t decide to live in a culture where your look is deemed unattractive. It sucks because appearance is so pervasive in our society, and yet, no one controls any of these circumstances whatsoever. It sucks because it’s one thing to just be ugly, but it’s another thing for ugliness to become synonymous with being attacked for it and that being ugly has come to mean that you should feel bad about yourself. So many factors — biological, physiological, genetic, environmental, etc.— go into what people look like that it is seemingly random, and yet people hang on to the concept like it is a religion. It’s not fair, and outside of paying money to alter the way we look, it’s not much any of us can do. So to those people who were programmed to think less of themselves due to unreal societal pressure, don’t try to explain, don’t “live with it,” don’t rationalize it, own it. Jermaine Cole told you to Love Yourz for a reason.
DO NOT RATIONALIZE BEING UGLY. You do not owe this world anything, you never even asked to be born so why should this world expect anything from you? You didn’t control how you looked so it would be in your best interest to not care about any other person and just focus on what you got. Take pride in your hair, your face, your eyes, your nose, your body, and if you wanna look different (like shave, exercise, eat right, whiten teeth, buy expensive clothes and shoes), then please do it. Love it. Ball out. But do it for yourself, not because any other group is telling you it’s what needs to be done. Literally do whatever; be a follower; be a scammer; be a tease; be anything. This is not meant to sound self-empowering, it’s meant to help you understand that being ugly should literally change nothing about your or anyone else’s existence, and if it does, seek professional help. It’s nothing that needs to be understood or explained. So, when the question comes up of what it’s like being ugly, the only real answer one can provide is this: it is what it is.